Big IS Beautiful
8 years ago if you had have told me my body would look like this today I probably never would’ve eaten again. I’m not a size 8 anymore, my belly has a collection of stretch marks (white from being big, purple from being pregnant), and I have a lingering scar from a belly button piercing gone wrong.
I started high school a big girl. I had this guy friend. We used to pass notes in science class. We talked about everything. One day he asked me who I liked. I wrote back “it doesn’t matter, no one would like back—I’m too fat”. He wrote back “big is beautiful”. I’m pretty sure I wrote back “no, it’s not”.
Between 2009-2010 I lost a lot of weight—80 lbs in 6 months. I still felt gigantic. I got a lot of messages from guys. But no interest in person. It wasn’t cool to date the girl who used to be fat. Boyfriends came and went over the years but it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t love myself.
I’ve learned to love myself as time has gone on...I don’t always feel great about my body, but I’ve found reasons to love it. There’s a few really important reasons I love myself:
I’ve been able to carry two babies—one angel, one rainbow
I’ve been fortunate enough to feed my baby exclusively breast milk
I can get up in the morning and walk, see, and hear
When I see myself in the mirror now, I’m not disgusted. I see a strong woman who is raising a family and building a business. I know I’m big, I’m not denying that…but if/when I lose weight in the future, it will be because I want to—not to please everyone else.
That guy from earlier messaged me when we had gone off to university that he had loved me all through high school. But did he act on it then? No. Why? I assume he was worried of what people would think. Being plus-size back then was even less acceptable than it is now.
I’m happy to be at the point in my life now where I’m not sorry if my body offends you. That’s a “you problem” as my husband would say. And I agree.