5 Things I Didn't Know About Miscarriages Until I Had One
I spent my whole life dreaming about having a baby (except a few late teenage years)…I was obsessed with watching A Baby Story on TLC, I vividly remember the episode of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman where she helped deliver a baby, I used to pretend my Barbies were giving birth, and I always made my Sims characters procreate like rabbits.
I got a quick glimpse of what motherhood would be like July 17, 2017 with my first ever positive pregnancy test. I spent weeks planning what my baby would be like. It would be a baby girl. I had a name picked out. I had a nursery theme picked out. I was so attached to that pregnancy.
In a few short weeks on August 23, that was taken away from me when the doctor said “Nicole, I’m so sorry”. I didn’t really know much about miscarriages, other than they must suck. I was naive. I liked it better that way. Here’s what I learned during and after my miscarriage:
The physical pain. I had eight hours of contractions on top of contractions. It was the worst pain of my life (including c-section recovery).
How many people in my life have had one. So many people reached out to comfort me when I opened up about my miscarriage on social media. Friends and acquaintances continue to reach out when they’re in need of comfort now. I am glad I have been able to help others get through their loss journeys.
That it would make me crazy when I got pregnant again. Every single twinge made me assume I was having a miscarriage again. It is so hard to let go of the emotional baggage and carry on with a new pregnancy. I spent the first 12 weeks worrying. That’s a lie, I spent all the weeks worrying.
How important communication is. There will be times you don’t want to go somewhere because you know your pregnant friend will be there. You’ll want to avoid social media during holidays. You’ll want to avoid going to the mall because everyone and their sister are pregnant or taking their new babies for a nice indoor walk. You’ll also want to tell someone close to you why you’re avoiding doing these things. I promise it will feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your chest. Girl, stop holding it all in.
That it would make me extremely envious of every pregnancy announcement and easy fertility story. The feeling takes over. It will make you feeling like a terrible person. You’re not. It’s something you don’t have much control over, it just comes in waves. It’s not that you’re truly not happy for that friend of yours who is expecting…it’s just that it feels impossible to feel that kind of joy at this time.
If you’re struggling through your own journey, please reach out! You can find me by clicking on the Instagram or email logos at the top of the page!